on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
