I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
