There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
