I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
