stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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