Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
