It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
