I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
