I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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