you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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