I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
