According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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