After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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