Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
