I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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