he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
