Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
