The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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