I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
