I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
