I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
