i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it was like eating out sand paper
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
