I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I could make wine with my vomit
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
