The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
