We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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