fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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