oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
