I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
