somebody snuck up and got me drunk
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
