I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
