It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
