So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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