We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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