the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
