oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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