good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
