just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize