You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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