The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
