she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
