there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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