i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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