Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
