I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize