Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
50% drunk capacity currently
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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