and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize