I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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