either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
