Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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