haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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