my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
