It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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