I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
