I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
