discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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