So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
