If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
