you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
