Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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