Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
