she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
