My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
