Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
