you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
