Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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