Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Is Oprah even human
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
