he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
