you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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