How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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