my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
