Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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