God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
