Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
