Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
