I'm so fucking centered right now
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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